Not quite the year we expected, but its been the best of our life.

The phenomenon about gratitude is that its difficult to feel bad when you feel grateful. The mind has only room for one thought at a time.

If there were ever a year for growth, this has been it.  Although things didnt go exactly as we thought they might, Ive seen every single moment unfold into a beautiful journey of self-awareness and genuine happiness - this goes for Matt as well. 

I cant tell you how many times I wanted to feel frustration.  I cant tell you how much negativity and anger started to brew inside me.  But each time, I took a step back and realized just how silly I was being.  Because part of growth is trusting the process - trusting that every situation you are in or not in, is exactly right.  Its exactly where you need to be.

Life is change.

Growth is optional.

Choose wisely. 

As annoyed and bothered as I used to get (and still sometimes do) listening to others complain - about whats not right in their lives, where they should be, why they cant get there faster, what would make them happier (even those who are at the top, actually especially the people who are at the top)... and on and on - I see it so clearly now.  These people are in my life to give me an awareness of an attitude and perspective that I never want to have.  They are here as an example of how things could have ended up if I had allowed it, if we had allowed it. 

And more importantly, now I see that I am a part of their lives to do the exact opposite.  To smile and laugh and enjoy each moment even when things arent going great.  To bite my tongue when Im about to complain, recognizing that it could always be worse.  To always hold my head high, proud of the person that I am and of the person that Matt is.  To set an example every day with every action of loving kindness towards everyone.  To plant in their minds, the seed of possibility that happiness can be attained no matter where you are or what youre doing. 

This realization has given me so much peace of mind during times when I used to get frustrated being around others who just dont get it -- yet.  You see I have this, as Matt would put it, "diluted" faith in humanity.  A trust that all people, deep down, are loving and compassionate and will someday understand.  Maybe not now, maybe now a year from now, maybe not 15 years from now but... someday. 

So, yet again, our lives were shifted a bit this year.  Things changed, as they always do.  And instead of being upset and negative about it,  we chose to evolve.  Our world, especially the baseball aspect, is ever-changing.  Nothing is permanent, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is ever the same.  Thats why you better hope youve chosen an incredible partner to walk this journey with, because THAT is what is going to bring you continual happiness.  

We looked at our situation, being back in triple-A for a third year, and decided to be open to a beautiful season of possibility and growth.  

And let me tell you something so special - I have never felt more connected to another human being in the deepest and truest of ways as I do to Matt after this season.  


Even after 10 years of being in whats always been a healthy and happy relationship, this season connected us in such a powerful way that weve never felt.  We grew so much as a couple and as individuals.

We had our rough moments of frustration with the baseball lifestyle - the instability, the long road trips, the never knowing whats coming next...  You see, baseball tends to dominate our world during the spring and summer months - but not this season.  This season we focused on each other.  We did so many fun things together.  We shared experiences, deep conversations, late nights, early mornings, long walks... and weve never been happier, weve never been closer. 

And I honestly dont know if I would have been able to say this had things gone differently.

Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. 

My faith in this statement is so deep and so strong now.  

The biggest word in my vocabulary these days... grateful.  At the very end of spring training/beginning of the season - you know, when I told you Matt and I had made up our minds to only see light in the coming situations - we began listing off all the things we were grateful for and all the things we had to look forward to.  As the months passed and Id wake up each day, I would see more and more blessings in my life - no matter what, no matter WHAT.  We let go of the need or the tension of guessing what was coming and simply appreciated the present moment... and when we did that, good things just began to flow like water.  Thats the incredible thing about sincere gratitude - the more you express it, the more blessings the Universe presents to you.  It is an amazing thing. 

And I am finally learning to be comfortable being unemployed at this point in my life. 

I have seen the way this season has gone and I have listened each time Matt has sat me down to tell me how grateful he is to have me home to take care of everything, so that his life is as stress-free as possible and he can focus on the game and BE WITH ME as much as he can because THATS what makes him happy.  And a happy player, plays well.  

I have also been blessed with a chance to have deep conversations with a few other baseball wives with similar anxieties about not working - theyve worked all their lives, have college degrees - but know the importance of togetherness and family and support.  And presented me with a perspective that I had not previously been open to: enjoy it, travel, network - you never know if youll ever have the chance to do it again, so if you are fortunate enough, you shouldnt feel bad about it, you should be grateful for it!  I cant tell you the immensely positive impact this has had on me.

I dont feel quite as awkward answering the question I often get, "So what do you DO?" (which is usually from people with no idea about the baseball world - ie, how hard it is to get someone to hire you when you have no clue how long youll be in that place).


 I appreciate my worth as a wife, as a supporter now.  I see the invaluableness of it.

I am happy. I am filled with so much happiness and it reflects onto everything in my life now.  And I see Matt experiencing the same phenomenon.  He has grown into this amazingly selfless, kind, compassionate, mature and intelligent man.  He gets it. He understands what lifes all about. He wants to experience joy in every situation hes in, not just the "good times."  And he deliberately tries to set an example to everyone around him, teammates included.  He said to me, "Im content with this. With just this. You, the pups, our cozy little apartment. I dont need to make millions. Im content with having just enough to get by."  

And I choked up a little bit.  

I know this: I have everything Ill ever need. 

Permanent Ink.

I went most of my adolescent life swearing I would never get a tattoo - not my style, didn't want to permanently mar my skin, saw too many crazy and/or meaningless tattoos on other people - I was turned off by them, frankly.  But that changed.
The more cities we moved around to, whether living in them or just staying in them for a short while, the more I was exposed to some really interesting and beautiful artwork - on the human body.  Living in Austin, TX for an off-season will really give you the inking itch - there are so many beautifully awesome pieces walking around there.
Matt and I have a few that are close to our heart and we often get questions (what & why) when they are noticed.  I wanted to write a little blog on a little bit about some of the tattoos we have, why we have them, and what they mean.


Our wedding bands are the smallest bits of ink that we have on our bodies but they are also the most meaningful to both of us.  We got them the day after we got married in the town that we were married in (Sandusky, OH).  Two separate artists did the initials that are etched into both our ring fingers - a man and a woman couple.  The man did Mo's 'km' (Kalee Maloney) and his girlfriend did my 'mm' (Matt Maloney).  We decided to get the tattoos instead of getting actual wedding bands because it really is more appropriate, we think, for our characters and personal style.  We wanted to do something different than every other couple.  Mo and I have a great appreciation for the true art that a tattoo can most certainly be.  We put a lot of thought into it and decided we would forego the traditional silver wedding bands and do something a little more unique and much more fitting for the relationship that we've built over all these years.  It means a great deal to Matt and I that no matter where we are, what we're doing, or who we're with, we will forever have a little bit of one another soaked right there under the skin and reminded of the incredible care and commitment we've put into each other - something we are both very proud of.
The permanentness of the tattoo on the ring finger was never an issue - obviously.  We both know we're in it to win it - all the way til the end.

Matt's forearm tattoo is the most noticed and intricate tattoo on his body (at the moment).  It is his own family tree complete with deep roots holding his birthdate, a full trunk and many leaves and branches.  Etched into the branches in twig-like detail are a few other important dates to him - his MLB debut date & our wedding date.  Scattered throughout the tree are buckeye leaves as well, representing his passion for Ohio and the Ohio State Buckeyes.  The tree is a growing work of art that will be added to as the years pass and our lives progress, filling it with moments and memories that are close to both our hearts.

My very first tattoo: a word scribed into my right wrist with a meaning and message so deeply instilled in me and so important in my life that I thought there would be no other place to put it than on the hand that greets each person I meet:  "Namasté"
In its simplest translation, and the words I use most when asked what it means, it says - "the goodness in me recognizes and honors the goodness in you."  It is a way in which I have been brought up my entire life and continue to practice with each new individual that comes into my life.  Yes, it is a Sanskrit term that is also used in many Yoga practices (usually at the end).  It reminds me to look for the light within each person.  It reminds me that we are ALL connected and that the powerful energy running through me, is the same energy running through every other living thing.  I've included a link with a much more in depth look into the meaning and origins of this very special word.  I've also included my favorite translation of the word's meaning:

NAMASTE   (<--click for more details)

Matt's most recent piece of work is that of a beautiful, hand-drawn hawk on the inside of his right bicep.  A talented artist and dear friend of ours, Audrey Lantry, drew up this striking nature-inspired piece after Matt had expressed his interest in getting a new tattoo (he's in the process of completing a full sleeve for his right arm).  He chose a hawk for the pure and simple fact that he has always loved that bird.  Since he was a little kid, on road trips and hunting excursions, he would scan the sky looking to see how many hawks he might be able to get a glimpse of.  He truly thinks it is just a really cool bird.  To this day he does that same thing on our long and short trips to whichever city we are headed to.  It turned out to be a really beautiful piece.

There are a few more tattoos that I purposefully chose not to include, mostly because they were decisions made a tad bit young and do not have the meaning nor the beauty that these do.  

There will undoubtedly be more to come... for both of us.  Stay tuned for our ongoing body artwork exhibit ;)

Ready, Set, GO!

It's been an absolutely spectacular summer so far and I've been absolutely awful at giving updates on what we've been doing so here's a quick run-down:

My beautiful cousin, Summer, got hitched in Detroit, MI to a charming and handsome man, Eric, on May 15.  I attended the wedding stag, of course, but had a hellova time with my family!

Summer & Eric

Dancing with Daddio

Mama gets wild!

I took a trip to the big apple with two of my oldest and dearest girlfriends, Kelly and Amanda over the Memorial Day weekend.  We stayed with my old college roommates Meaghan and Sarah and had an absolute blast! 

Kelly, Amanda and myself in Time Square

Dancing fools

Double-Decker Bus Tour!!

Checking out the Statue of Liberty from the shore

Taking a break after our attempt to go to a Yanks game

I got to attend one of my best friend's baby girl's first birthday in Bridgman, MI in early June. Happy Birthday Emme :)

The night before the birthday party - Cindy, myself, Kylie, and Sam at a wedding reception

Mama with the birthday girl!

Two of my favorite Pauleys!

I successfully reached my June goal of getting out on the water via a boat with some Lousiville friends... simply breathtaking (even though the Ohio River isn't actually so breathtaking).  

Kristen, myself, Staci, and Becky enjoying the open water!

Our sea captain, Dave showing me the ropes

A lovely evening for a boat ride

I roadtripped to the windy city (CHICAGO!) for another beautiful cousin's wedding (and sans Mo again): Jen & Eric got married June 25! The wedding was a blast and so was the family beach day after!

The very handsome couple

First Dance

Cousins

A little wheel-chair racing down in the basement of the reception venue... 

Relaxing at the beach

The girls

Myself with cousins Summer and Jesse

Mo grew a MOhawk! ...and I LOVE IT!

I had the opportunity to partake in an activity that I'd literally not done since I was about 8 years old... SLIP'N'SLIDE baby! Early July on a week night - WHAT A BLAST!

Kristen and I leading the pack!

Our Slip'n'Slide group before we got too wet...

Getting creative with Jared...

D-Ray and his rolling slide...

Show me a group of twenty-somethings having more fun than this!

A little group of baseball wives got together to check out a local wine tasting in Jeffersonville, IN (right across the river from Louisville). We had ourselves quite a nice little evening!

Jonna, Veronica, and Sarah on our first taste!

Wonderful wine

Cheers!

A few players, friends, girlfriends and I attended Louisville's Forecastle Festival in mid-July - a 3 day festival with lots of music, interesting people, activism, and love :)

D-Ray, Jonna, Audrey, and myself enjoying drinks and music

Audrey, Sammy, Jonna, and D-Ray

Watching Grace Potter & the Nocturnals from backstage!

Grace doin' work on the piano!

Got to watch my cousin's band, Foxy Shazam, later in the day - their show was INCREDIBLE!

Smashing Pumpkins late than night

Matt got called up in the beginning of July to make a couple starts for the Reds, including a start against the team he was originally drafted to - the Philadelphia Phillies. It was a nice little surprise for us and he did great work.

Doin' WORK on the mound

It was 102 degrees during his start in NYC against the Mets - whew!

THE ALL-STAR BREAK is our once a summer vacation where we get to relax and do all the fun summer things TOGETHER that we never get to do.  It is one of our favorite times of the year and we've made it a sort of tradition to spend it at a friend of mine's Lake House in Jamestown, OH - about an hour north of Cincinnati.  Matt and I had a blast together! A few friends dropped by to say hello during our stay too.  We relaxed, grilled out, sat on the dock and soaked in some sun, kayaked, explored and mostly just enjoyed one another's company.

The Lake House

Our daily lunch spreads - mmmmmmm

Kelly drove down for the afternoon!

The big guy

Luce and I on the open water

Kayak sesh!

Loving all the alone-time together!

Matthew and his animals :)

During the All-Star Break I got to watch Sam (one of my best friends) get married via the internet! She and David got married in Vegas and because many could not be there, the wedding was streamed live online. It was so cool to see and I'm so glad that I didn't totally miss it!  What a beautiful couple these two are :) Congratulations Sam & David!

And one of the most recent happenings was my trip home - back to Huron, OH - to see my family and some friends.  I spent 5 days enjoying the company of my parents, grandparents, brother, sister, some extended family, and a couple old friends.  I didn't snap too many pictures except for at my Maloney Family Fish-Fry - my last night there.  Lots of Maloneys that I don't get to see very often were there.  Food, beers, beach, talent show, and family :)

Molly and Boston racing before dinner

Daniel (Matt's brother) and Jess fishing at Grandma & Grandpa's 

Grandpa Maloney, my dad, my mom, and Grandpa Maloney

Most of the Maloney Clan! Wish my big guy would have been able to be there

These are just a few of the highlights of my summer thus far.  As you can see, Matt was unable to be a part of most of them because of his work schedule.  Thats definitely been a bummer for me (and for him) - not having my partner in crime by my side for all the fun things I've experienced.  He's always sad to miss weddings, summer BBQs, etc., but I make sure to share pictures and fun stories so that he doesn't feel totally left out.

The summer is just FLYING by and even with the enormous amount of travel we've been doing (we put 2,000 miles on the truck in 2 weeks!), its been one of the best summers yet.  Both Matt and I are incredibly happy.  We have some really great people in our lives to share our experiences with, we get to meet all kinds of new people whom we can always learn something from, and most importantly, we have each other - to lean on, laugh with, enjoy little moments, and really, truly know that no matter where we go or what situation we're in, we'll always be able to find our happiness because we have one another.