Not quite the year we expected, but its been the best of our life.

The phenomenon about gratitude is that its difficult to feel bad when you feel grateful. The mind has only room for one thought at a time.

If there were ever a year for growth, this has been it.  Although things didnt go exactly as we thought they might, Ive seen every single moment unfold into a beautiful journey of self-awareness and genuine happiness - this goes for Matt as well. 

I cant tell you how many times I wanted to feel frustration.  I cant tell you how much negativity and anger started to brew inside me.  But each time, I took a step back and realized just how silly I was being.  Because part of growth is trusting the process - trusting that every situation you are in or not in, is exactly right.  Its exactly where you need to be.

Life is change.

Growth is optional.

Choose wisely. 

As annoyed and bothered as I used to get (and still sometimes do) listening to others complain - about whats not right in their lives, where they should be, why they cant get there faster, what would make them happier (even those who are at the top, actually especially the people who are at the top)... and on and on - I see it so clearly now.  These people are in my life to give me an awareness of an attitude and perspective that I never want to have.  They are here as an example of how things could have ended up if I had allowed it, if we had allowed it. 

And more importantly, now I see that I am a part of their lives to do the exact opposite.  To smile and laugh and enjoy each moment even when things arent going great.  To bite my tongue when Im about to complain, recognizing that it could always be worse.  To always hold my head high, proud of the person that I am and of the person that Matt is.  To set an example every day with every action of loving kindness towards everyone.  To plant in their minds, the seed of possibility that happiness can be attained no matter where you are or what youre doing. 

This realization has given me so much peace of mind during times when I used to get frustrated being around others who just dont get it -- yet.  You see I have this, as Matt would put it, "diluted" faith in humanity.  A trust that all people, deep down, are loving and compassionate and will someday understand.  Maybe not now, maybe now a year from now, maybe not 15 years from now but... someday. 

So, yet again, our lives were shifted a bit this year.  Things changed, as they always do.  And instead of being upset and negative about it,  we chose to evolve.  Our world, especially the baseball aspect, is ever-changing.  Nothing is permanent, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is ever the same.  Thats why you better hope youve chosen an incredible partner to walk this journey with, because THAT is what is going to bring you continual happiness.  

We looked at our situation, being back in triple-A for a third year, and decided to be open to a beautiful season of possibility and growth.  

And let me tell you something so special - I have never felt more connected to another human being in the deepest and truest of ways as I do to Matt after this season.  


Even after 10 years of being in whats always been a healthy and happy relationship, this season connected us in such a powerful way that weve never felt.  We grew so much as a couple and as individuals.

We had our rough moments of frustration with the baseball lifestyle - the instability, the long road trips, the never knowing whats coming next...  You see, baseball tends to dominate our world during the spring and summer months - but not this season.  This season we focused on each other.  We did so many fun things together.  We shared experiences, deep conversations, late nights, early mornings, long walks... and weve never been happier, weve never been closer. 

And I honestly dont know if I would have been able to say this had things gone differently.

Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. 

My faith in this statement is so deep and so strong now.  

The biggest word in my vocabulary these days... grateful.  At the very end of spring training/beginning of the season - you know, when I told you Matt and I had made up our minds to only see light in the coming situations - we began listing off all the things we were grateful for and all the things we had to look forward to.  As the months passed and Id wake up each day, I would see more and more blessings in my life - no matter what, no matter WHAT.  We let go of the need or the tension of guessing what was coming and simply appreciated the present moment... and when we did that, good things just began to flow like water.  Thats the incredible thing about sincere gratitude - the more you express it, the more blessings the Universe presents to you.  It is an amazing thing. 

And I am finally learning to be comfortable being unemployed at this point in my life. 

I have seen the way this season has gone and I have listened each time Matt has sat me down to tell me how grateful he is to have me home to take care of everything, so that his life is as stress-free as possible and he can focus on the game and BE WITH ME as much as he can because THATS what makes him happy.  And a happy player, plays well.  

I have also been blessed with a chance to have deep conversations with a few other baseball wives with similar anxieties about not working - theyve worked all their lives, have college degrees - but know the importance of togetherness and family and support.  And presented me with a perspective that I had not previously been open to: enjoy it, travel, network - you never know if youll ever have the chance to do it again, so if you are fortunate enough, you shouldnt feel bad about it, you should be grateful for it!  I cant tell you the immensely positive impact this has had on me.

I dont feel quite as awkward answering the question I often get, "So what do you DO?" (which is usually from people with no idea about the baseball world - ie, how hard it is to get someone to hire you when you have no clue how long youll be in that place).


 I appreciate my worth as a wife, as a supporter now.  I see the invaluableness of it.

I am happy. I am filled with so much happiness and it reflects onto everything in my life now.  And I see Matt experiencing the same phenomenon.  He has grown into this amazingly selfless, kind, compassionate, mature and intelligent man.  He gets it. He understands what lifes all about. He wants to experience joy in every situation hes in, not just the "good times."  And he deliberately tries to set an example to everyone around him, teammates included.  He said to me, "Im content with this. With just this. You, the pups, our cozy little apartment. I dont need to make millions. Im content with having just enough to get by."  

And I choked up a little bit.  

I know this: I have everything Ill ever need.